Dear beat punks,

A lot of things have been written, said and broadcasted about my four boys all around the world ever since they started in 1998 and the more successful they become – the more obscure the rumors get.
Well I´m – as you might know by now more a businessman than a man who spreads gossips.
There is just so many questions people still keep asking me….
I´d like to take some time now and answer some of the most important and most frequently asked questions:

Is Dee-Dee happy in Pakistan ?
Well we are still in touch with him by writing postcards and I only can say "Yes!” He is getting loads of his beloved exotic food there and he is definetly Pakistan´s most famous rowing and mikado coach by far.
Also people keep asking "Is Joey really dating a Korean female terrorist by the name of Oko Oh No – who is taking more and more of his time and sanity?”
Well gladly I can assure you that this ain´t true at all. Joey is far too busy singing, playing guitar and having a good time and on top of that in his oppinion love and sex are highly overrated Hippie myths.
Then after the Captain's departure folks constantly are claiming they have seen him in weirdest places all around the world. Some heard he had started a hardware store in Columbus, Ohio, others say they saw him in Eric Clapton's new backing Band playing the bass guitar. And again others swear he is a game show host in Iran hosting a court-audience participation-reality show called "Who´ll throw the first stone?” while others believe he´s living in East Germany trying to introduce the people to the use of alarm clocks.
I again can assure you none of this is true!
It is also not true that Sid and Markey have moved together in a tree house in Death Valley. The truth is they gave death to some valley trees to put them in the fireplaces of their houses.
It is so hard to avoid all these misunderstandings i can tell you!
I hope i at least clear up some mysteries with this few lines and please unterstand that I can´t carry on even though I´d really like to – but I have to keep on taking care of business

kindest regards

Malcolm McEpstein